Without giving every piece of everything that is occurring in my continued quest to receive full legal custody of my daughters…in between the faulty paperwork, clerks who don’t give a shit about me or my kids…and the unwillingness for their father to pick up his mail in a timely manner requiring me to repeat visits downtown to reschedule hearings…that I filed…..that he doesn’t ever show up to….Our system is short of disasterous in granting these requests….and I am far from alone.
Going downtown to me at this point is symbolization of fighting for my children. I don’t work there anymore; my life is basically a square between a 5 mile radius; therefore, waking up in dress pants, holding a travel coffee, and fighting interstate traffic at 8am means another day, another fight over something that seems so easy.
But its’ not….at all. You find yourself standing across a receptionist desk, getting treated like a scumbag because you don’t understand the legal system at all because I went to law school..NEVER….and you apologize profusely with little remorse or care from the other person….all over 2 of the most important people in your life…and they slam down paperwork, telling you to sit down and basically shut the fuck up (But first I must pay the $300 filing fee)….all the while knowing the last child support payment I received was $.92, 1.5 years ago, which may have very well been a picture of a middle finger.
And…it doesn’t matter how old you are, what color you are, where you live, how much money you make…how you speak, you can look around and see everyone else who is there right with you fighting for the exact same thing, fighting for their children…in a world where the court system tries everything they can to give the other parent a chance, even though, they’ve abandoned them completely….without hesitation, with little regard of future effects…or any question as to how their first day of school went…or simply are they even healthy.
I’m telling you, we feel like we are losing when a stranger makes these decisions for US…that we need to have 25 hearings just to make sure…because they didn’t know that the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed, every day for 12 years….all I did was fight for them…their happiness, their safety, their success, their love, their trust….with more than 100% of everything that I have ever had with no care that I hadn’t showered yet, or ate, or questioned my own happiness….
And this is all because their father hasn’t figured it out…how to be a man, how to be a good human being….how to be a father….or a figure of society…and I don’t regret choosing him….because I have them …and even though he hasn’t figured it out and may never…I sure as hell have figured it out…I have figured it out that I will be crawling on the ground, bleeding….breathless…my time approaching near….and I will still be fighting for them…until I no longer exist….and the clerks who have hung up the phone on me, or told me to sit down, or suggested I was clueless…obviously hasn’t fought a day in her life for what she has loved so much….but I sure as hell have…..and am reminded of that every moment that I see them smile…making every battle a victory no matter who tells me how I can live my life…because the 3 of us…well…we don’t just “sit still, look pretty”.😉