DATE: January 19th, 2016
LOCATION: my son’s pre-k pickup line
TIME: approximately 11:30am
MINDSET: optimistic prior to incident
TIME OF INCIDENT: 11:32AM
INCIDENT: child’s refusal of proper attire
TEMPERATURE READING OUTSIDE: -7 WITH WINDCHILL
THE MOTHER: Girls, (talking to Twins), can you please put on your coat?
TWIN 1: NOOOO!
THE MOTHER: Please?
TWIN 1: I SAAAIIID NOOO!
THE MOTHER: COME ON GIRLS, CAN YOU PLEASE PUT ON YOUR COAT? TWIN 2?
TWIN 2: NO! I don’t want to!
THE MOTHER: Well, what about your hats, can you please put on your hats? The teacher wants to see your hats!
(No, she doesn’t, you want to show her their hats, its’ about you).
TWIN 1 AND TWIN 2: NO! WE SAID WE DON’T WANT TO.
(Mother huffs under her breath as I am staring uncomfortably into outer space wishing I was a martian because I couldn’t understand for the life of me what was happening.)
THE MOTHER: Girls, please….please….come on…please put on your coats. Its’ cold out. Pleassssseeee?
(I can’t take it anymore, make this woman stop, seriously. What the fuck is she doing? Tell your kid to put their coat on. If they say no, Take the child’s arm, insert coat around child’s arm. If child starts screaming, continue to grab child’s other arm and insert other coat sleeve…hold coat together, and zip accordingly. Repeat for second child.)
TWIN 2: (after long pause and intense trepidation)…Sure, Mommy, I will put on my coat.
TWIN 1: Me Too…and hats! (smiling large)
THE MOTHER: Thank you girls, thank you so much. Thank you.
(I just aged 10 years in 2 minutes).
TEACHER: Oh Girls! I love your new hats!
TWIN 1 AND TWIN 2: Thank you so much.
(Does this teacher even realize what I just went through ?!)
TEACHER: They are just so fancy!
THE MOTHER: Aren’t they adorable?
If you live at home with your parents, pee your pants, still can only snack all day, sleep in a toddler bed, can’t shower by yourself, pay your bills, drive a car other than your powerwheel, vote for a president (presidents aren’t princesses btw), drink an appletini…..then most likely you are not a parent, now its just trying to convince your own parents of that.