Uplifting and comical…a look at my life, motherhood and the circus that goes with it


My daughter, my fifth grader, just informed me that boys are asking them to “go out”. “ Go Out?” What the hell does that mean? “ Go out?” “Go out to where…to grab some ‘drinks’ at the water fountain. And I asked that. Her response was “It means like boyfriend and girlfriend, but (insert girls name) and (insert boys name) don’t even like talk to each other, so it’s like weird.” Yes, weird…very weird.

So internally, I am thinking this can’t be happening because by sixth grade she is going to pregnant or know someone that is. Which means that by the third nine weeks of this year some disgusting boy is probably going to try to get to second base and third base to hit his stats of the year using my daughter as bait to accomplish it. I can’t handle this.

I mean I guess I remember liking boys at that age. I remember making arrangements through a friend that a boy was going to meet me by the ramp and try to “French kiss” me, and I hid in the bathroom (probably the only time that I hid in the bathroom to avoid such a thing until of course my children started wanting to have conversations with me while I pee). But this is my daughter we are talking about. And just like anything else with the sequencing of children, like the second and third child always getting potty trained faster, riding their bike faster…I have ANOTHER daughter. So what does this mean for her? The tooth fairy starts leaving condoms instead of dollar bills.

Sure, this sounds extreme. But it’s no secret that our daughters are growing faster into women than Bruce Jenner is. And I’m just to blame for this as anyone else. Instead of nursery rhyme CD’s in the car when they were two, it was Flo Rida telling them “get low” with their “apple bottom jeans”. What happened to Mary had a little lamb. Mary got a whole lot more going on them her shitty lambs…our kids want her to shake her tailfeather too.

Ok, I’m getting out of hand potentially. The good news is that she said no boy has asked her to “go out” yet. And I am still not understanding why that term is used because even if the handsome couple lived in the same neighborhood, he could only pick her up and walk her to the end of the cul-de-sac possibly to hopefully find a lemonade stand with a table for two. But just like any piece of fruit, no two are the same, and my second daughter cannot be trusted with these types of situations so I better start having these conversations now.

I’m not sure what advice I can give; however, because I certainly cannot use, just do what I did. And believe that question has already been asked. “Mommy, it’s ok to have children before you get married like you did, right?” (radio silence…deer in head lights…stroke). Glad I can be of such a wonderful role model. And even though I still think it is perfectly ok to have children before marriage, it’s just want I would prefer them jumping into thinking is the better way. I try to explain it with as much grace as possible but usually in my head it just sounds like…well your dad forgot to pull out in time, so here you are! Congrats! Awkward.emoji

…So maybe the answer just lies in the quote that one of my friends posted on Facebook the other day. That we as parents have an obligation to be the very best of ourselves for the children that WE created.  (Shout out to Courtney Irwin for that one).courtneyThat just by following example in the present will be the best chance they have as living the life as we would want them to have. And I’m sure along the way there will be misfiring along the journey that we see for them, but this is what will build them into the people that they become. Wouldn’t we all love to be waiting on the other side of the couch when they are teenagers with a giant stop sign as soon as we feel they are getting to cozy with their significant others? Sure. But it isn’t realistic. They also learn boundaries through these important steps in their lives…and hopefully how to say no.  So the best thing we can do is accept that one day it is going to happen, maybe not in fifth grade, or even sixth…but one day, and we can just hope that what we’ve spoke about will be instilled in their little innocent minds…all the way until I’m ready for grandchildren…which isn’t for a long time…seriously…a very long time.


Comments on: "Help! My fifth grader wants to date!" (1)

  1. Linda Striganivicz said:

    Wonderful writing! The way you express yourself makes me laugh. You sure make your point, but you you do it with so much great humor!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment! I'd love to see what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


A great WordPress.com site

Tales from the Mommy Trenches

The life of a former attorney turned SAHM

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."


the mom in me bows to the mom in you

So Here's Us...

life on the raggedy edge.

My thoughts on a page.

Living, Laughing, Loving, Loathing.

A Walk on the Wild Side

For those who love addicts

Honey Did you See That?

I retired at 50 something, returned to North America and began blogging. All posts are 100% true, except when they're not funny enough, or when I can't remember the details. Menopause is heartless. Huge thanks to my comic book writing son, Matt, my Header designer.

Peas and Cougars

If real life were a cartoon, I would be a triangle, which is probably better than being a square.


Ramblings of a sleep-deprived mother

%d bloggers like this: