I would like to not be stressed out for just one day. Seriously. Listen people, on the outside everything looks like “how does she do it?” Oh, I’m doing it, but I’m doing it while my arteries read a magazine in the waiting room of my upcoming heart attack. Let’s put it this way. It’s like getting ready to go on vacation every day and deciding to clean out your refrigerator along with 900 other things to prepare because the other 364 days were not good “refrigerator cleansing days”, just good on the day when you are not going to even be eating out of it for a week. That’s what I have been feeling like…
So, really the best thing that I can do is try deep breathing and just keep saying “yes” to more things. I mean 3 kids, two jobs, stay at home mom, 1800 extracurricular activities, trying to write when I can think beyond “anyone need to go potty?”, a house to care for…damn, that sounds like a lot. And I haven’t even touched on grocery shopping or laundry that takes longer than my child getting out of the car By the way, deep breathing doesn’t do shit for me. It, in turn, causes me to malfunction to shallow breathing, leaving me lightheaded, breathless and paralyzed….but I guess it works for some.
It’s no secret that there is a lot going on. I remember feeling so bored when I had just one infant, looking for things to do, now I am looking for things not to do, all the while still saying yes to doing more things, and than I complain. What the hell is wrong with me? But isn’t everyone busy? So why am I crying about it…because I am a big baby…and somehow obtaining the IQ of one because I am forgetting things! Like a lot of things, like “forget to pull your underwear down to go pee” things. Like, going to the grocery store and leaving without the groceries, but at least I left with my children (just keeping the glass half full around here) things. Am I getting senile at 34? Will someone have to start wiping my ass because I will have forgot to do that to? Just DE-friend me if that happens….please.
The good moments are slipping by because of these “things” that I have to do, or think that I have to do…and this is what us parents do. Killing ourselves so that our kids can have…but I am losing basic living skills because there is just TOO much going on. I am too focused on all the “have to’s” and not paying attention to what is going on right in front of me. But nothing will change. I am telling you that right now, even though my nerves are telling me that a dead mommy is a worthless mommy…but tell that to my heart…because I don’t have the heart to say no to try to give them the best because I am tired. That’s what we have Starbucks for.
Be true, be you and trying to say afloat over here people…just like everyone else.