My best friend of 27 years is having her second baby tomorrow. I know what she is thinking..I know what she is feeling and I am pretty sure that if you read this…the rest of you who are a mom of multiple children will be nodding your heads in agreement and perhaps shed a tear along the way as we remember what it was like for us.
So, as I await patiently tomorrow while she embarks on this journey again for a second time, I will silently give my advice to her..the girl with whom I played “mommy” with as a child, the one who loved me regardless of my choices…the one who I call my own family, I tell her this, and I speak the truth because she is terrified:
You will be able to love her as much as you love your son. You do not have to choose one over the other. It will be the same love, just different. Each of them will give you something different .You will be able to balance your life with ease as you glide through each day with grace as a mother to a toddler and a mother to a precious newborn, easily adjusting to both of their needs. You may not feel like you can, but you will, and you will do it marvelously. Do not be unsure that your son will feel unloved; he will feel more loved….there are more to love him now, and you gave this to him. You will not feel as rigid as you once were about schedules and nap times. You will go with the flow because you have to, and you will feel more free in doing so.
She will be different than him, she will emulate you. She will envy you and want to do what you do. You are her everything, her rock and her voice for self esteem to feel deserved and worthy. She will watch you nurture her, teaching her how to do the same for her own. She will imitate your perseverance, your courage and your strength to stand up for what she believes in, and if you do not, she will follow that as well. She will cry with you when you are sad and she will smile in your joy. She will be sensitive to you and your needs as well…embrace that.
You will feel overwhelmed that two eyes will be looking at you to help them. You will feel pressure to meet every need you can, but will find, you cannot always as you did the first time, but they will adjust. They will learn that life contains choices, and that everything doesn’t fall into your lap. They will learn sometimes that working for is more gratifying than handouts. They will compete with each other for your love, but will learn that sometimes it takes the fight to get the victory that you want, and it feels good to win. They will learn it hurts to lose, but will learn acceptance of others. They will learn how to share, how to cope and how to co-exist with others…even if they feel they don’t want to. They will fight and they will love, and when you find them giving a kiss to each others boo boo’s after a fall, you will shed a tear, because its the most pure love you will ever see in your entire life.
You will see that they will lean on each other for guidance when they don’t want to come to you. You will see them cheer for the other in great deeds and hold each other in moments of loss…they will comfort one another, and sometimes it isn’t when you around to see…
..but when you do see…it will be a constant reminder of the day that your first child held your newborn in his arms, with his heart smiling, his heart singing.,…as you will tomorrow….and it will be the greatest moment of you life.
Be true, be you and you will be the mother that you choose to be…just remember that you aren’t perfect and no one is asking you to be….just love your best and you will succeed.