…Shopping for friends as an adult is no different than shopping for a spouse. 98 percent of people are fucking lunatics and the other 2 percent, you jump in head first, hoping they won’t burn their cat in the backyard some Sunday afternoon. It’s just the chance that you take, and it is so easily to (for lack of better metaphor) have sex with them the first night because the appeal to relate to someone else or to feel appreciated becomes so important as past childhood friendships start to dissipate through the years.
Do you really know each other in new friendships. No, you don’t. You absolutely don’t; hell, its taken you 8 years to realize that your husband doesn’t like you farting unsensored in the kitchen while cooking dinner because he has always felt too awkward to approach the situation. So if that’s awkward, how awkward is it to tell your “friend” that you absolutely disagree with the way they run their lives, after you have jumped into the relationship with your panties off and no protection. It sucks. It’s uncomfortable, and now you want out without looking like a total crazy yourself.
Because not only are you shopping for your friends, you have to shop for your kids as well in these relationships. Do you really want your child entertaining a “kicking each other in the balls” contest in the playroom, or cussing away like a felon in the state penitentary while you are chatting away with your friends in the other room? Do you really want your child witnessing how other people run their homes when situations can turn terribly vulgar or out of control? You have enough of those “i wish I wouldn’t have said that” situations in your own home. You already think that when “crazy mommy” comes out, you have ruined your child for life, so why in the hell would you want someone else helping you with that? I would probably say, mostly likely you wouldn’t. So, like shopping for your spouse, if you think that they would rather raise a poodle that you can cage all day, instead of raising a healthy, happy, thriving child, you may want to move onto the next candidate.
And do it with your blindfolds off. Pay attention. Don’t let the red flags fly high in the sky. Put them at half staff because you may have no idea what really goes on inside. Stop pushing through situations for no better reason than to just have someone to text when your husband is out of town. What you are and who you have become does not take second place to impressing someone. ( a new lesson learned myself). Don’t let someone tell you what to think or how to live your life. It’s your life. You make the rules. Don’t forget it or you will forget about what’s important to you.
It can get lonely out there, but finding yourself in these half ass friendships is not the answer either because it will eat you alive. Toxic relationships happen everywhere in any type of relationship with another human being. If you let them win, your character will change, your attitude will change and people who truly do love you will not support it, leaving you with the friend that wants to burn you at the end of the day just like the 3 before you that they have burned first. It’s not worth it.
Because the friends that are worth it, are the ones that you aren’t scared to say what you feel….and the person that’s on the other end of that, aren’t afraid to accept what you have to say…because if we all felt the same about everything…it wouldn’t make our own families as special as they are….and the lessons that each one of us need to learn…would just simply be unteachable.
Be True, be you and keep your panties on.