Uplifting and comical…a look at my life, motherhood and the circus that goes with it

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  1. Looking cute isn’t as important as looking clean.
  2. A binkie falls-1st kid you wash it with soap, 2nd kid you rinse it in your mouth, 3rd kid…screw it, I’d rather them be sick now than when they start school.
  3. Putting your son in a flower princess car seat is perfectly acceptable because there’s no reason to buy another one.
  4. You have stopped wiping down light switches when the stomach virus hits your house…now you cross your fingers and hope for the best.
  5. You are done with Made to Order menus in your home and tell them to get it themselves.
  6. You’ve stopped teaching about Lemurs from Baby Einstein books and just hope they know their name by age 3.
  7. Napping anywhere is acceptable, even on concrete because a lap can always be a pillow and a sweatshirt has a dual purpose as a blanket.
  8. Every baby item you own is now outdated, and will now sound old talking about the “way it used to be” .
  9. Baby books have been long gone 2 kids ago so don’t even think about trying.
  10. You have started forgetting about school projects when your third child starts preschool. You will feel stupid and a failure so you have to blame it on the “third child syndrome”. (Teacher will nod head synthetically like you’ve lost a relative).
  11. You are back to taking tons of pictures (sorry 2nd child) because you ARE NOT having another child (famous last words).
  12. Peanut butter meets all required food groups , until you have to send them to school and peanut butter is a weapon of mass destruction for allergy sufferers. (Way back when …with my first…. such a thing didn’t exist, she said sounding old school again.)
  13. Carpooling is a necessity of life, so it’s time to start marketing yourself as responsible instead of the mom you truly are blasting “Single ladies” even though you already have a ring on it (we’ve all done it).
  14. Staying in the house with everyone on each others’ nerves is better than trying to go out in public.
  15. Not every cut will require a band-aid, in fact, less than 25% will.
  16. With that being said, when your third child splits his head open, instead of rushing him to the hospital, you will measure the depth of the wound with a yard stick to weigh out the $250 copay.
  17. You will stock doctor’s gloves in your bathroom because you have learned that your child pooping in the bathtub is inevitable at some point in their baby lifetime.
  18. You start to ignore the professionals stating it’s better to talk to your baby as a person and not in baby talk because you see how well that’s gotten you when your first kid talks to you like you owe them money.
  19. Your kids will not stay home from school with any fever less than 101.5 degrees. Because 101.5 sounds like almost 102.00 and you would feel guilty about that. Advil is a mommy’s BFFLT (Best friends for lifetime).
  20. You will opt for the sprinkler section at the water park instead of the pool because unlike the pain of childbirth, you will remember when the poop now known as water that looks brown streams down their legs, all over the changing area and you….unable to not notice the gagging effects of anyone who walks by, especially the hot 22 year old blonde. FML.    #parenting #threekids #carpooling #stomachvirus
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