They say you cross paths with the person you are going to marry at least 3 times before you think that you meet them. Seems unthinkable….but
there you were five years ago living your life in an unhappy relationship, or perhaps living alone, searching for someone to suddenly pop into your life like a snowflake that tickles your nose. Or maybe you are so wrapped up into someone who is so not wrapped up into you, and you spend years trying to figure out how to change that around. But you can’t…so you break up, and you think that your life is over. You wallow in your sadness, possibly marinate in anxiety that there will never be that day when everything changes. The wall goes up and the opportunities pass by like time is replaceable.
….Did you miss it…the day that you were sitting in Starbucks with your head down, shedding a tear over your latte because he just doesn’t want to be with you, and there is no explanation…that you didn’t notice that somebody was watching you, feeling like you were that snowflake falling from the sky. You didn’t notice. You didn’t see because you were too busy thinking about what could have been, and never will.
…or that day you walked down the street, with your head in your phone, that the slight nudge of your left shoulder into something went unnoticed, when that something was someone who turned to look back at you when you walked past….and then he turned back around because you kept on walking, so he did as well.
…..Then that one strange night…..“Have we met,?” a gentlemen asks in a lounge, not seeing how that could be possible because he is unrecognizable to you. Surely someone who is as striking as he, you would have noticed. The conversation progresses. You start realizing this man lives three blocks away from you and goes to Starbucks every Tuesday morning before work. “Why haven’t we run into to each other before? “ you ask, he replies “It almost seems like we have.”
Your friends start to ask where you have been and all that you can say is what a blessing this man has been to you, that for the first time it feels different…because it feels right. You can’t explain it….you wonder if it was you all along preventing these moments….like I had.
My husband could have been my missed opportunity. For we have crossed paths many times before, never realizing being in the same place simultaneously. We were too busy being frozen in moments that were never meant to be in the first place.
..Then one day…I woke up. I stopped waiting for something/someone to find me while my head was buried in my own negative thoughts. My thoughts changed from questioning why someone would want to take on a woman with one child, let alone two. Instead, I began seeing what a good person, a loving mother and a loving wife to someone I could be if “he” would let me…
… And then…he came. And he came like a snowflake falling from the sky….and it left me wondering that maybe these snowflakes that fall into our lives represent the change in ourselves. When we become open, so do our eyes …that we can now look into the world, rather than looking down on it.
For half the battle is finding yourself before finding him, because he was there all along, just waiting for you to be ready to catch him….on your nose….and in your heart.
( Happy birthday, honey. You have taught me so much and challenge me every day to be a better person than I was yesterday. I am lucky to have found you in a world filled with missed opportunities and am forever grateful that you let me be your snowflake as well. You mean everything to me, and I love you.)