Uplifting and comical…a look at my life, motherhood and the circus that goes with it


We all should live our life like Pennsylvania Child support…every three months we need to get re-evaluated. I am currently undergoing the re-evaluation process. I hate it. I keep getting the same result from doing the same things, and it has finally surfaced that it’s not working. These items are booze…… Image(not shocking)……. and …..Image….cheese. Yes, cheese…which by the way is far worse life- changing than alcohol for me. For months, I have seen myself gradually forget a limit on either which has caused more damage than good.

You wonder how cheese is ruining my life? Well, I’ll tell you. When family members ask if you are pregnant, and you have to say, “um, its just cheese?”, it is embarrassing and ultimately very confusing for them. “Like baby Swiss cheese…??” (because they still are not believing me.) Actually, I’ve discovered that I am quite possibly lactose intolerant because every time I eat something dairy anything, I feel extremely uncomfortable and according to others, I conceive babies right away from it too. I’ve probably lived like this for close to three years, getting the same result. My husband has been at me to simply start by changing my diet, well I finally listened. Last week I gave my last piece of cheese a funeral like I did “Harry the goldfish” when I was 6. Wha la, like magic, I no longer look pregnant. But, I miss it…terribly. (cheese, not pregnancy).

As far as the alcohol change…Well, I wouldn’t say that I am dependent on it, as much as I somehow turned into the “thong song” from 2001, except the new name is “granny g string” when I do drink. Drinking excessively (even just on weekends …occasionally) at this point is not practical and somewhere along the tequila and hot sauce shots, martinis and wine, I’ve lost sight of something called “limits”. Image…Sure, I can be a lot of fun…it doesn’t mean that being the loudest person at a party,… maybe everyone doesn’t need to know that my ideal date is to a strip club…But, isn’t’ it interesting that we even when we think that we’ve changed, nothing ever changes permanently unless you continue to work at it. I start losing sight of that, I think. Like anything, nothing comes easy. So, I’m pulling back on it. I’ll admit, probably not permanently, but perhaps as a reset button. It doesn’t mean that I feel flawed or incompetent, it’s just a change …stepping back for a breath……

And as we get older, we learn that it isn’t always about doing what we want, as much as doing what we have to do. Sucks, right? You’ve heard people say, “OMG, How do you do it with all of those kids?” Your response, “because I have no other choice.” Why can’t we give that to ourselves as well? Why is a piece of candy more important than Diabetes or a cigarette that is needed, more than a lung? In that is where we are flawed. Ignorance can overshadow any possibility of change.

…Because its easier to do what feels good, than doing what doesn’t. You think that I wanna eat freaking apple slices over nachos during a movie? Hell no. But if I don’t, I am going to get the same result as I did before and the only one to blame is myself. Complaining over what you cause is not worthy of acceptance. You always have a choice to create a different outcome. Temptation is brutal. There are countless temptations out there…staying in unhealthy relationships, drug abuse, food, sex, pregnancy (her name is OCTOmom), people liking to eat toilet paper. (according to TLC)… It’s about finding the inner strength to just take another look at it. I always tell people that if I can’t find a strength within me, I pull it from my kids until I am strong enough to do it for myself. And, in fact, sometimes, “being without” lets us “be with” those we love and who have been trying to tell us the entire time to “cut the cheese, please”, (they just ask we do it while they aren’t around).

Be true, be you and acknowledge what you don’t want to.




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