Uplifting and comical…a look at my life, motherhood and the circus that goes with it

DO AS I SAY…not as I Do.

I have two daughters which means I will go into cardiac arrest at least two times in my life…guaranteed.  As the saying goes, when you have a boy you only have to worry about one penis…when you have a daughter (or more) there will be an army of penises with binoculars stalking through your windows trying to get at your daughters. Goal number one is keep the penises away and goal number two is keep her out of champagne rooms and where dollar bills only go in your wallet.

Every action that you take from the very beginning is crucial in their development for later.  Let’s start at the beginning. As a mother, you are excited to be having a little girl…a blessing.. A little mini me (be careful what you wish for).  Oh, the outfits…the glam headbands and the shoes…you can’t wait. When you were a little girl, you dreamed of dressing up your little girl just as you did your baby doll, and now the dream is coming true. People fawn over your new baby. “Oh, she’s so cute, you dress her so cute, look at those chubby thighs…I love chubby babies…” and you agree and smile . Fast forward 15 years and you are no longer dressing up your doll baby, but they are dressing themselves in half shirts, shorts that cover like a Brazilian cut bikini and not one, but two belly rings, most likely with a marijuana charm hanging from it, eating only a crumb for dinner.  (And Fade out to Dad dying a slow death…and CUT).

Don’t say it won’t happen to you, because it will and the chances increase with every XX chromosome in your house. You have now doubled and tripled your chances. If that’s the case, hopefully one of those XX’s will prefer cardigans over nudity and be your eyes and ears because you are not cool enough anymore to understand. However, in retrospect unbeknownst to them, you do understand because you may have been the one bent over a washing machine passed out from beer pong with your panties around your ankles at one point in your life. Suddenly your “creative expression” has turned into a YOUTUBE video that you remember only as one of the viewers the following day. So, yes, you may understand what these behaviors will accomplish and it’s nothing short of creative and everything but a Mother’s dream.

When your daughter turns 8, you have to start planning for an expected pregnancy, and I don’t mean your own. You aren’t sure when a good time to start talking about menstrual cycles are because as far as what you hear, girls are getting their periods at nine years old. When you were nine years old you were still watching Full House and playing with Barbies. Nowadays the girls’ barbies are sleeping over with Ken and his “other” barbies. So when you are riding in the car one day and she asks when “periods” come and you become immediately lightheaded and say, :”I don’t think we should talk about that right now,” she responds, “periods in school, what are you talking about?”, you remember she is still only eight, and you should insert your foot in mouth.

Oh, the fun raising girls, and I don’t mean to be a pessimist. I love my girls. I have two built in best friends for when they grow up and start creating proactive efforts to fend off penis themselves, in which case I know my work has been completed and effective.  Raising daughters is about raising stages of respect.  First and foremost, to respect themselves. Secondly to respect others (because we all know how evil women can be) and thirdly to respect their morals. If these shall succeed, than the one man in whom she has waited for will, in fact, respect her back.

If we teach our daughters to be strong and to respond to those who attack them and if we teach them love, perhaps there is hope in proving that love goes beyond wrongful attention. Perhaps we can stand a chance that any negative action or pursuance will be shut down because of a moral position in self respect.

Girls who are loud spoken and girls who have a voice are looked down as being annoying and too abrupt, but I disagree. These are the females that will lead others in learning to be assertive and not passive in their beliefs. They can stand by their decisions, they will fight against wrongdoings, they will love themselves, therefore; will be loved in return. And it is through this confidence, that even through wearing the half shirts, that the girl we birthed long ago , will remember what’s important….to treat THEMSELVES how they wish to be treated and the rest will follow


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