Uplifting and comical…a look at my life, motherhood and the circus that goes with it

After spending the last 8 years praying to anyone who would listen to please let me work from home since I am rearing children, my dream has finally come true. After years of my hourly wage being raped by daycare cost and limitation of “in office” hours due to anything you can think of under the son including two hour delays because of one snowflake on the ground, I am living the dream.

            This is how, I believe, that women can have it all. We get to have a career, while doing laundry, watching children, playing games with children with one hand as the other hand types, folding laundry with our toes and preparing a lunch with our teeth. But! We make more than 5 cents an hour, and since raising children is a $200,000 a year salary, than we damn well deserve more.

            However, some days I feel as though I would take 5 cents an hour to just get a break. So, when I start to feel like this, I have scripted a list together of reasons why staying at home and working at home reeps more benefits than cons. Here they go:

 

  1. You don’t need to find space on your desk for a radio to block out silence because it will NEVER be silent.

 2.Dress “code” is optional. Although “dress” should be mandatory because topless mommies are only fun for after work hours.

 3. You never need to take a Mid-day lunch walk because of the number of times that you are called out of your chair.

 4. You will never have to worry about taking a sneaky poop at work because if your children hear you, just consider it payback for all the times you dealt with their stinky behinds.

 5. You don’t have to worry about work “theme” days because when your child puts a princess crown on your head during dress up play, consider the task completed.

 6. You get called a pumpkin head rather than a bitch from bitter co workers.

 7. You never have to fix a copy machine when it jams…EVER…only injuries due to child being unattended in another room because of work responsibilities.

 8. You always get offers of help like typing on your keyboard that accidently deletes everything and files being used as a stage, until file slides and performer crashes.

 9. You are reminded daily of household tasks because you cannot stop staring at them while you are at your desk.

 10. You get to always eat (or wear) lunch with someone everyday.

11. No need to  hang pictures of your children above your desk because you are blessed with their pretty (or angry) faces in person all day long.

 12. You don’t ever have to miss them because they are here. All the time. Here….all…the….time.

 13. Because you have extra money you get to buy more things you don’t need, instead of using it for what you said you would initially…and then complain you cant buy that kitchen set because you spent the money at Five below on one direction nail polish and tattoos.. (for your kid not yourself…although Im  not discriminating)

 14. You never have to call off work when your child is sick, but you might need to call hospice because you have too much work to do.

 15. Morning traffic no more, just at the busstop.

 16. Thermostat control is now only between 2 adults instead of 20.

 17. You get to hear about  My Little pony” instead of peoples sex lives that  you care nothing about nor want to think about.

 18. You are never hit on by a disgusting man 30 years older than you…just the ice cream truck man, but they never look interested in adults anyway.

 19. Lastly, the work schedule revolves around what is easy for you, in between the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 25th, 108th job that you have that no one appreciates (except your husband if you are lucky like me).

 I am blessed. I am happy and so is my family because of this opportunity, but it didn’t stop me from putting together a list of what is beneficial about going to the office. It goes like this….EVERYTHING I JUST SAID.

 Be true, be you.

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Comments on: "Having my Cake and Eating it Too." (1)

  1. Linda Gotwalt Striganivicz said:

    HYSTERICAL!!!!! You are tooooooo funny! But it is true!

    Like

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