Uplifting and comical…a look at my life, motherhood and the circus that goes with it

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire…

You know that you are doing well as a parent when your child tells their friend to not worry and all they have to do is lie to their mom….Oh, you don’t think so?  Yea, me either which is why I unleashed on her like it was 1999 and the world was going to end in my kitchen during dinner last night.

  “Do you lie to me?” I ask her.

 “Yea, Sometimes”. (Me standing there dying a slow death).

“What do you lie about?” as I gasp for air. (Where’s my brown bag please)

“I don’t know, just stuff.” She grimaces.

“Like what stuff?”

“You know, the usual.”

“Wait…wait…wait.. There is the “usual” stuff.. So, It’s like on the  to-do list of the “usual” daily stuff. So it falls right after, say, “MAKE MY BED”? (That’s it…I’m failing as a parent.)

 Of course, I tell her in front of her friend to enjoy their last moments together because she is done with the outside world possibly for the rest of her life. Her friend looks to the ground and says, “well, I would never lie to my mom.”

 So, it just gets better, right; not only am I failing as a parent, but now another 8 year old agrees with me. Awesome. But, then again, we lie, right? We lie and say that they have to eat their pizza because we are now calling it “Buzz Lightyear” pizza and this is the pizza that will give them superpowers…(but definitely not flying super powers…uh, definitely not that). We tell them there is a Santa Claus that knows when they have been naughty and we tell them that some crazy monster fairy is going to take their teeth and give them a dollar, or apparently 5 dollars a tooth, which seems to be the new budget for the 2013 tooth fairy expenses. (Why do they never ask what the tooth fairy does with all of those teeth? That would be my next question, and who in the hell would want all of those disgusting, sugar infested, half brushed teeth anyway?…) And…the most ridiculous part about it is…we know that eventually they are going to find out that we are lying. So as we become mortified that our child would ever so dare tell us a fib and bleed that we did not raise them that way…we are standing in the same puddle of shame as liars ourselves.

 REWIND…“You mean, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, Mommy?”

“I’m sorry, honey, no. The reason parents tell their children these tales is because it makes it even more exciting with the anticipation and surprise on Christmas morning! But, I so love you. It was for a good reason.” (Smiling and hugging).

 FAST FORWARD…..”You mean you didn’t go to overnight bowling with your girlfriends like you told me you were going to?”

 “Im sorry, Ma, but it was more exciting riding around in the car with boys all night, listening to loud music and drinking beer. Plus, the surprise in the morning when I didn’t have any underpants on was also a thrill! Love you!” (Lying dead on the floor from a heart attack).

 So, is it really that amazing that a child would lie to their parents to get what they want? Do we just teach that it is ok to lie sometimes? Like, should I have lied to the other cheer mom when I had no idea what the 50 in a 50/50 raffle is or that I thought a stamp cost 17 cents in 2013 because that was the lowest option in the self kiosk at the post office. (I’ve never felt more dumb in my entire life). I mean, I might as well have put on a white wig and went to the post office as George Washington if that is what I thought a stamp cost. (ThanksPointParkCollege)

 So, really as I sit here tonight, I have no answers. Everybody lies all of the time, so how in the world do we teach our child not to and when the appropriate time is…And if I never lied in my childhood, then I wouldn’t have got to experience the best summer of my life in 1996…which in turn because of all those “experiences” has granted me the ability to stop my children from doing anything like I did….grfkjsklrjks (Sorry, I just choked on my food when I wrote that…NOT!!!!)


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