Uplifting and comical…a look at my life, motherhood and the circus that goes with it

Yea I had shots of tequila chased by hot sauce instead of lemons at a four year olds birthday party. IS something a matter? Are you judging me? All of my children were present, no one drove and everyone survived. (Well, me barely, but that’s a different topic). But the most important part, it was freakin fun.

So why the hell can’t us parents have more of that? Why is everyone so damn serious.  Just because our kids started drinking apple juice after formula so do we? I don’t want apple juice, I want vodka and …and lots of it. Where is the shame in that? Look, I understand there is a fine line between drinking at party and sneaking gin in your child’s baby bottle to go to the park.  I do see a potential problem with that. I don’t necessarily want my children seeing an empty bottle of rum beside my nightstand with my thong still tied around my wrists from the night before either. There should be some sensoring and control.

I am not a bad parent. I give my children love, teach them lessons…enjoy their company (a lot more with a glass of wine) (again you are judging, stop it). Its just flippin stressful being a mom. Some days seem to take forever, the laundry is a taunting predator, your name gets said 25 thousand times a day with no content to follow and your family needs you to wipe their ass and give them kisses after they just told you “ I hate you.” What happens next…Mean mommy happens next.Oh you all know her…even you husbands know her and SHE IS SCARY. She is the explosion after 12 hours of whining, fighting, complaining and crying. She is the blood pressure that explodes into her eyeballs. She is the high defining scream that fires out after their child says simply “hello” and you say “NOTT RIGHT NOW!!!” (“okkaaay” child says and walks away). IT’s when their child actually has nothing to say but “ok, I’m going to my room now” on their own as the thought “psychoooo” sings in their brains like church bells during Silent Night on Christmas Eve. So…medicate it people! People get strep throat, they get amoxicillin. Moms having nervous breakdowns…must consume alcohol.

Don’t be frigid. Don’t get caught in the stigma of “moms shouldn’t do that” or “grow up.” Do As I say and What I Do. Drink and Dance on a table top to Right said Fred and love it! Why? Do it just because the not so fun people tell you not to. Its liberating.

There is moderation in this though. You can’t eat 30 M&M Fun Size bites every night and not gain weight. Therefore, you cannot drink a forty of mad dog every night without becoming an alcoholic (and perhaps a total tool). But, what I am trying to express that if you have had a rough day, (but not every day) treat yourself. Love yourself. Life is good and so is booze.

The mom next door that stares at you and your water bottle to make sure its not vodka is just jealous. The joke is on them. You are not an alcoholic, you know how to balance your stress and your life. So stop being a mean mommy and start eating your vodka infused watermelon slices. Playdate are always more fun with those, but don’t serve shots of tequila with hot sauce…not everyone can handle those (just sayin…).

Be True, be you. (and drink)

 

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