Remember that time when you thought that you were tired? When you partied too late and had to work the next day except all that you were responsible for was yourself? Remember that time that you were tired when you kept having to get up for school before 6am to make sure your hair was done for that boy that thought you were cute? Remember that time you thought you were tired when there just weren’t enough hours in the day to achieve all of your errands that included shopping for yourself after a full days’ work? Yea….you weren’t tired then, I promise. You had no idea what tired felt like.
This is tired… it means that you are emotionally invested in everyone else but yourself. It means that you worry 24/7 about the little people you are raising, hoping they will make the best decisions they can make and what you’ve said every day since they were born… was just simply enough.
Tired is when you forgot what it meant to worry about how you looked. It meant that you forgot to shave 3 weeks in a row because you were too preoccupied putting together everyone else’s needs, lunches or pants that they needed sewed.
Tired is when you went back and forth to the same place 3 times in one day, not blinking, not hesitating and just doing what needs done for those who look to you for help… even if the task is put on replay.
Some days you feel like you are withering away, feeling weak, beaten, and mistaken, but you keep going because what you are faced with and have chosen was always your choice…so how can you be annoyed?
The seconds fly by as the days grow shorter….the pressure keeps building…the responsibilities… the tasks…they have you cornered.
But you wake up, every day, you decide this is what you have wanted from the second they arrived….that you craved this life to be busy, to be loud, to be filled with little eyes…who look to you to guide them to some place….hopefully safe…knowing only you they cannot replace.
It is true that perhaps before the life you led was stressed, praying for possibly someone to find you in a random nest…awaiting you in return…to build a new kind of stress that you’ve always yearned….that you take for granted now…because the fire in yourself can get lost… longing to be found.
Embrace your tired, they will be gone….when they are gone….and you are alone in your home…missing that, longing that tired you once had before…for tired is just the result of you doing it right…to ensure they are protected in the fight we call life….